Coolhaus Ice Cream

Product Placement

Let’s talk ice cream, or how life is too short for Ben & Jerry’s. Not that there’s anything wrong with the Vermont-based manufacturer per se, but is nothing wrong with really good enough for you? Of course it’s not.

For too many purveyors, the game has become less about actual ice cream and more about what’s put into it. The purity has gone missing, and stashes of dubious accouterments have taken its place. That’s disheartening

Enter Coolhaus, a brand that marries awesomeness with a jarring image of Zune-like proportions

Illustrative image #1Illustrative image #2

Try as I might, I just can’t let the latter go: Coolhaus was named after architect Rem Koolhaas and the modernist movement/school Bauhaus, and the product was originally introduced at Coachella. It has been called the signature millennial ice cream brand. So, there’s that.

Cringeworthy image aside, you do not need to wear skinny jeans while eating the ice cream, which by definition is nigh pure quality: To be considered super-premium, ice cream is required to have an overrun — the amount of air pushed into the cream during production — of fifty percent or less. Coolhaus slaps that down to twenty, i.e., one part air to four parts cream, making it as smooth as Barry White on a good day. The ice cream by itself is good in all its rich purity.

A personal favorite is the Bananas Foster. The balance of ice cream, sauce, and bananas is spot on, and a sugary rum-based sauce does not overpower. The creamy goodness sits front and center, while the stash suitably plays a supporting role without trying to steal the limelight.

The same goes for the other flavors I’ve sampled, too. Salted Caramel, Balsamic Fig & Marscapone, Chocolate Molten Cake, Campfire S’mores… They’re all as delicately balanced as you should expect from your ice cream.

Life is short. We walk through our days breathing in literal smoke. If that isn’t enough of a reason to treat yourself so, so fine, I don’t know what is. And those who treat themselves fine, enjoy Coolhaus. That’s just a fact.