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Globespun Gourmet Cheddar Chipotle Burrito

I honestly don’t know why I do these things. Maybe I’m like that crazy, self-torturing guy in Da Vinci Code1, but if it is wrapped in a tortilla, I will try it. For you. Call me the Mother Theresa of tortillas if you so like.

Image of something unholy

I don’t entirely remember what kind of burrito this was—some kind of self-declared spicy wrap with a promise of meat in it—but good holy grief, what kind of demented human being would come up with this? It’s like the tortilla version of water boarding: I would own up to anything to avoid having this stuffed down my throat.

What does a Gourmet Burrito taste like? Hot. Not spicy, but hot. Follow the cooking instructions and you’ll be holding something akin of a physical burn. And as is the par with pre-wrapped burritos3, all you really get is your cheap mix of flavorless beans4 and rice.

Why? Why do these people keep making these things under the guise of being «organic». Aren’t we all sick of it? I know I am, and I promise to Kirk Cameron I will never eat pre-wrapped burritos ever again. Mother Theresa is dead; the Remster is alive.

1 Yes, I watched the movie. Whatever. Tom Hanks with long hair, how can you go wrong2?

2 I know, I know…

3 I know, I know… I know.

4 Allegedly.


Rating is based on the Grocery Store Curve™
Score: 0 out of 4 stars