Say what you want about Dolph Lundgren—and there is a lot to say—but nobody can accuse the guy of taking himself too seriously. Whether it is his appearance on Sweden’s Eurovision broadcast or his participation in science quizzes, the guy’s clearly a sport.
Of course, his movies might not always be stellar1, but for some bizarre reason, they are often strangely watchable.
Add Dolph’s sportsmanship to his nose2 for entertainment, and you have Kingergarten Cop 2. That’s right: One hour and forty Schwarzenegger-less minutes of pure gleefulness! And if the runtime seems long, you may or may not be surprised to learn that roughly fifteen minutes are dedicated to Twix product placements.
Granted, the storyline is… shaky. I get the distinct impression the director got the choice between making either a Kindergartent Cop or a Lethal Weapon sequel, and decided to do both. In one movie. The result is, for all intents and purposes, Lethal Weapon set in the Kindergarten Cop universe. I mean, Dolph lives in a trailer, for Christ’s sake. How very Riggs.3
Other than that, the movie takes an odd turn into conservative propaganda territory. Be it gay stereotypes, references to the «war on Christmas» (the «Christmas festival» that was renamed the «Holiday festival» is now just the «festival») and actual subtitles for the token Asian kid… I mean, what the hell?
Lundgren, while reading a children’s story, neatly sums it up: «This book is full of liberal BS!» Wow!
Yet, there is no denying the charming sides of the movie. Dolph’s bromance with Bill Bellamy (you know him as the P.A. announcer in an episode of Murder in the First) gives all the laughs one would expect, and the one-liners come flying:
«No one dates anymore, grandpa… it was a hookup.»
«Let’s put the mac and cheese on the stove and get this play date started!»
Schwarzenegger couldn’t pull those lines off in his dreams!
And let’s be honest: Kindergarten Cop 2 isn’t a whole lot worse than its predecessor. Sure the budget is slimmer—I’m pretty sure the school and the police station were filmed in the same location—but on the flipside, you get that much more Dolph.
Who’s going to complain about that?
2 For all Dolph-hounds: The «Mac and Charlie Write a Movie» episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia covers Dolph, dogs, noses, and more!
3 Again, Sunny also has an obsession with the Lethal Weapon series.
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