You barrenly try to shut out a mariachi version of «Yellow Submarine» pumping through the speakers while you thumb through a take-out menu which would set you back $5 to bring home, and it hits you… Mazatlan is quite probably the most mediocre Mexican restaurant you will ever visit. Mediocre food in a mediocre restaurant in a mediocre building in Kurt Cobain’s mediocre hometown. Yes, that Kurt. Now you know why his music wasn’t particularly cheerful.1
And Mazatlan? Oi… I can’t really think of a whole lot to say about the burrito, so let’s talk about the guacamole instead. Witness the photo to the right (or above depending on how you’re reading this) and ask yourself, «Does that green exist anywhere in nature?»
Please go somewhere else if your answer is anything other than «no».
For those who love this spot—and I am sure they exist—I suppose an expectation of flavorful carne asada has fallen by the wayside long, long ago. Those are the memorable parts, though: Dull meat, kryptonite-colored guacamole, and some other stuff I forgot about right as we left the place. Not much of a memorable experience, Mazatlan.
Mediocre is dull, and dull is not something people like us want.
And as for «Yellow Submarine» interpreted through mariachi? Let us never talk about that again.
1 Did you know he would have turned 50 next year? Feel appropriately old.