Articles

Pizza Pipeline

I'd argue that Pizza Pipeline is Spokane's dirty little not-actually-secrets. It's one of those places no-one likes, yet everyone obviously have tried it, and my guess is that most do so on a somewhat regular basis. Maybe not often, but at least now and again, and it's not often talked about.

Hell, we've obviously tried both the Bar and the wings, yet apparently we cannot bring ourselves to mention the pizza.

Today that will change. We will talk about the pizza, and we will be frank about it. Pizza Pipeline does not deliver more flavor to your door, that much is true. But it does deliver, and we're as guilty as anyone of going back there every now and again. Each and every time we question why we did so, in a way I assume a junkie asks why he goes back to his crack dealer.

There is very little to like about these pies. The crust tastes like cardboard, and it would be an insult to frozen crusts to go with my gut thinking that's what it is. Frozen crusts from Safeway would be a step up from this.

The toppings has the flavor of something I would imagine astronaut food tastes like. I sincerely doubt there are any tomatoes in the tomato sauce, and...

It's pointless, isn't it? You've had the pie, you know what it's like, so why harp on about it? The real question is, why is Pizza Pipeline still around? It's a guilty "pleasure", clearly, but then one could argue that Pizza Hut holds a higher standard.

Me, I think it boils down to something simple. Now and again you need to shut your mind down. You'd go crazy if you didn't. And when you do, you want the simple things, perhaps even the dumb things. That might include something on the television that only shows on ABC Family, and it might include something delivered from the Pizza Pipeline.

At least I hope to god that is the case, and that people actually don't like these pies.

If the latter is the case, then Pizza Pipeline isn't the pizza chain Spokane needs, but rather the pizza chain Spokane deserves.