A year ago, we posted an entry called "The worst taco you will ever eat, ever. Ever. No, really, ever." Not surprisingly, this post, nay, tome, was all about Taco Bell's Doritos Locos Tacos, a taco every bit as awful as it sounds. Yes, bad enough to be the worst taco we ever had. Ever.
Taco Bell, however, is not content resting on its laurels. Taking the concept one step further, they have now introduced -- I kid you not -- the Cool Ranch Doritos Loco Taco. (Add ®'s in appropriate spots.)
This is, of course, exactly what you think it is. The same taco from last year, but this time they've swapped the ordinary Doritos -- how gauche where they?! -- for the more sophisticated Cool Ranch Doritos.
Let's be clear about this though: Everything that was wrong with the previous incarnation remains the same here. This tastes pretty much like a regular Taco Bell taco dipped in Cool Ranch powder. It's pretty grotesque.
More interesting, at least to my inquisitive nature, is reading Taco Bell's description: "A crunchy taco made with premium seasoned beef, crisp lettuce, and real cheddar cheese, in a shell made from Cool Ranch® Doritos® Chips."
Let's pick that apart:
The taco is not crunchy. How could it be? They have the tacos pre-made, sitting out, waiting to be tossed at you in the drive-through window.
"Premium seasoned beef"? Taco Bell was actually sued for not serving real meat from real animals. Granted, they came out victoriously, but the fact they had to go to court in the first place... Also, seasoned seems to be a bit of a hyperbole.
Lettuce? Not crisp (I mean, come on!); cheddar is probably real, but what would constitute a fake cheddar? I can't prove the shell was not made with Cool Ranch® Doritos® Chips, so I'll give them that one. I maintain it's just a regular shell dipped in a powder though.
A more honest description, then, would read: "A limp taco made with a plain beef-like-ish substance, wilted lettuce, and probably real cheddar cheese, in a shell allegedly made from Cool Ranch® Doritos® Chips."
Do try the taco though. Ranting and raving about it makes it all worthwhile.